Thank God for Anne

Ann Lamott -Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year
November 22

"I wish he could take longer naps in the afternoon.  He falls asleep and I feel I could die of love when I watch him, and I think to myself that he is what angels look like.  Then I doze off, too, and it's like heavens  but sometimes only twenty minutes later he wakes up and begins to make his gritchy rodent noises, scanning the room wildly.  I look blearily over at him in the bassinet, and think, with great hostility, Oh, God, he's raising his loathsome reptilian head again.

When I go over to the bassinet to pick him up, though, he looks up at me like I'm Coco the clown - he beams, and makes raspberries and does frantic bicycle kicks like he's doing his baby aerobics. Then I feel I can go on."

Attison went through a growth spurt this week, so he ate every hour, slept for 15 minute stints and SCREAMED for me whenever we weren't slowly rocking him in my arms. Sometimes I think that he is a demon sent to deprive me of my sleep and life and to remind me that I'm not really that important, just an avenue for others to get to the baby.  But most of the time I just look at him, fall in love, and feel my heart grow like the Grinch who stole Christmas, only my heart wasn't a little back turd to begin with, it was more normal sized.

I love this book by Ann Lamott. She wrote it as a journal and then had it published, so it is very honest, raw with emotion and so, so true.